Eileen Caddy “Expect your every need to be met. Expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level.” Eileen Caddy The problem you may have, no matter how big or small, may be stymied by how you are approaching it. This article approaches problems from what may be considered a contrarian way of thinking: solving problems by letting them go, accepting that there is a right time for everything, giving in to a greater power, and encouraging a mindset of abundance. Let’s talk about this.
1. Letting go of problems Many people have great difficulty in letting go. They want to hang on to everything and think that is a way to control their life. Recognizing that that there are things outside of our control is the first step towards reducing much of the stress we heap upon ourselves. Yes, trying to control things outside of our control packs on stress. Sometimes when solving problems you make mistakes but don’t want to let go of them. The mistakes become your problem. And the problem you tried to resolve could be outside of your control or within your control. If they are truly outside of your control then let the mistake go and learn from it. If you can control the fix then get on with resolving it. You need not beat yourself up when you make a mistake. You are not perfect. Understand why you made the mistake and fix it, but don’t hang on to the negative feelings you have about it. Recognize that mistakes can have positive outcomes. A positive outcome occurs when we learn from our mistakes. A negative outcome happens when we approach them with an attitude of finding fault. We have a choice. We can be positive or negative. Choose positivity it will gain you more in the long run. 2. Accept that there is a right time for everything Every problem has two sides. We can let it overwhelm us or we can see it as an opportunity. When we let it overwhelm us we tend to worry, become anxious and overly stressed. Often we emotionally freeze which stops us from acting on it. When we see a problem as an opportunity we recognize that everything happens for a purpose and for our benefit and solutions come at the right time. In that sense there is a right time for everything. So, timing isn’t the issue. We receive what we want and need at the exact time we are supposed to have it. It is really about solving problems when the time is right. Have you ever wondered why when you have a problem you read something that addressed it, or you took a break and a solution popped into your mind when you least expected it, or someone walked into your life that had a solution. When these things happen problems are solved at the right time. Sometimes we need to put a problem into our “too hard basket” - that compartment within our brain where we don’t want to think about it. What we are doing is waiting for the “right time” to resolve it. We just need to recognize that “there is a time for everything under the sun” (Ecclesiastics 3:1) and our problems will be resolved when the time is right. 3. Engaging a higher power to help you through the difficulty Some of the problems we face are bigger than us and are out of our control. They overwhelm us to such an extent that we call upon a higher power to help us. This is where faith takes over. A faith that says we can’t handle this difficulty at the moment so we surrender it to a supernatural being, knowing that we are now safe to go on with our lives. Often fear prompts our faith. We are faced with a fear that is so challenging that we become frozen in time. It could be a threat of war or something actual like an economic downturn, job loss, or substance abuse, or any number of things outside of our control. It is not that we can’t do anything in these circumstances, for instance we could advocate for peace, save finances for economic disaster, find other work, or attend treatment for substance abuse. People of faith however, put what we do within the context that no matter what we do we will be alright and that there is a way out of our crises. Through faith fear is lessened, responsibility is strengthened, choices are solidified, and a way out of difficulties are found. The focus is on blessings received and freely given and life is to be lived and not feared. 4. Having a mindset of abundance Another way of approaching problems is facing them in a way that you steer them in the direction you want them to go. Your power comes from within yourself and not outside of yourself. This is not a contraction with number 3 above but a recognition that any power we have is sparked by a power beyond us and that we are not invincible. However, we still need to make things work. You are the one who takes action. And the action you take is with a mindset that you can affect the course of your life by how you think about yourself, the world around you and the choices you make. This problem solving method doesn’t consider a win-lose outcome, but an outcome where everyone has the possibility of winning. This is essentially abundance thinking where solutions are not taken or acquired but “tuned into” as Wayne Dyer once said. You are empowering each other to find solutions bigger than each of you – a breakthrough solution – and you are pleased with each other’s success. “Instead, I have an abundance mentality: When people are genuinely happy at the successes of others, the pie gets larger.” Steven Covey In conclusion I have tried to present four approaches to problem solving that may not be considered in problem solving textbooks but are still fundamental approaches. These are: view mistakes as opportunities, problems and their solutions always come in a timely manner, faith and a higher power are important in solving problems, and an abundant mindset allows us to find successful breakthrough solutions. Thank you for reading, and as always.... Take care, keep well and continue becoming the best version of yourself. Richard.
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According to Elizabeth Scott, PHD, in an article found at VeryWellMind, "Procrastination, passive-aggressiveness, and rumination are examples of unhelpful coping mechanisms that we may consciously or unconsciously use to avoid tackling a tough issue or facing thoughts and feelings that are uncomfortable." The world is a difficult place. But we know the world has always been a difficult place. The difference today is that things are moving faster than ever before, and issues appear to erupt from out of blue. Our social media and newscasts are filled with negative vibes causing us to come to the brink of exhaustion. The turmoil we face might drive us to run from our troubles. Regrettably, if we habitually flee, we will be constantly running and hiding from our problems. Does this sound familiar to you? Perhaps you are one of those who run away from your problems rather than facing them head on. Unfortunately, problems just don’t disappear when you run away from them. They do have a tendency to come back and sneak up on you. So, how can you successfully tackle them and move toward a future where you are no longer afraid of them? Here are some ideas to help you quit evading your troubles. Chunk Your Problems Down Into Small Steps Greenberg, author of the book The Stress-Proof Brain, advises working through the easiest phases first after splitting the problem into manageable sections. The idea here is to make sure you are clear about what your problem is and then break them down into smaller steps. Looking at the problem as a whole could freeze you or cause you to flee. An old Chinese Proverb states, “It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” Wise words for us to follow. Chunking your problems into small steps may go something like this: you are faced with writing a memo about a problem you are having, rather than stewing about it state the problem clearly, what you want to achieve in solving it, the steps you want to take to solve it, how it will make your life or organization better, how its resolution will affect your overall goals or the goals of the organization, and end with a concluding statement. Use Your Support System Our support network is often an underappreciated asset. Sometimes we feel alone and overwhelmed by our problems and cannot find an anchor. Are you someone who has the impression that no one cares about you and that no one is eager to assist you? If you do, you should have a look around. There is always someone who would be delighted to assist you in overcoming a problem you might be facing. Remember that we encounter a slew of issues on a daily basis. Many of the issues we face are often similar to those of others. They can give you a hands up regarding your problem. It won’t be exactly the same but a good listening ear with someone can help you sort through your issue. There is no need for you to believe that you must solve all of your problems on your own. If your support system is wanting then it’s time to buckle down and get to work! Don’t be afraid to reach out and create one that works for you. You can look for them within your faith community, workplace, circle of real friends, and even within your family. As well if it’s a deep personal problem there is always professional help to support you as you work towards resolving it. Check you counselling services in your area or go to someone you trust in your community, perhaps someone who leads your faith community could be a resource for you. Develop a Plan Planning is nothing other than looking ahead and determining how to proceed in the present. So if you are procrastinating or running away from your problems then stop and think about how you can overcome it. Think about how you can approach your issue. Just because you don’t have a solution at the moment doesn’t mean that one doesn’t exist. What you need to do is spend some quiet time in coming up with a solution. For instance, create a quiet space for yourself, identify the issue you are facing, make two columns one for identifying what is bothering you in specific terms and the other for possible solutions. Don’t stop until you have drained your brain. Then take a hard look at your solutions and prioritize them giving the best one the top priority. As you sort out the problem you can also do some research about it and find out how others have come to grips with it in the past, but make sure the information you find is accurate Be Accountable Once you have sorted out what you are going to do about your problem it is now time to hold yourself accountable. This is one of the great ways to overcome problems in the long term. For example, if you're attempting to better manage your spending and food intake, you should keep track of how much you eat or you're spending habits. Better yet make a budget for all your sources of income and expenses. Then hold yourself accountable to following it. Ask others to help you be accountable. Share your goals with others and the steps you are taking to work through your problems. Ask these people to keep an eye out and ask you about your progress. And make sure that you update them about your progress on your own. One final note on accountability. When you succeed in overcoming your problem give yourself a small reward. Others will probably not give you a reward but you have mastered the issue and found a solution so why not rewarding yourself for a job well done. Running Away Is Not A Viable Long-Term Solution This is most likely the most crucial aspect of learning how to quit running away from issues. It's admitting that fleeing isn't a long-term solution. And no matter what time or far you flee, you can never really run from your problems. Running away from problems is a common way for us to try to avoid them; it's a protective strategy. Running, however, does not completely shield us from anything. Avoidance solves none of our problems. It has never done so in the past, and it will never do so in the future. In Conclusion Facing our problems is the only way to solve them. This may take time, courage, effort and commitment, but in the end, they are solved and no longer pose a burden on our emotional and mental health. And, as an added bonus, overcoming those problems helps us build inner strength and resilience. Thank you for reading and as always keep safe, stay well and continue becoming the best version of yourself. Richard Fontanie Other Readings: Just go to the Front Page and type in problem in the search bar on top of the page. Creativity is one of the most undervalued attributes that we can possess. On the other hand it is one of the most incredible attributes we can have. It seems that some have it and others do not. Yet when we look closely at creative thinking we all inherently have it, we just need to tease it out, nurture it and not be afraid to let it hangout.
You know some, if not most, of the successful people throughout history have risen above the rest because they went beyond the thinking of the time. They allowed their creative thinking to resolve problems and issues that baffled others. Creativity uses many approaches to resolve a problem and the way people tackle the problem is just as diverse. Two people can paint the same scene very differently; and two jazz musicians can play the same piece of music with completely different creative nuances. Creativity is not just for the artists who create beautiful paintings and music that touch the inner core of our soul, but also for those who have garnered great advancements in all aspects of our lives. Creativity moved the great leaders and inventors of the past and of our time. Just think of Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Winston Churchill, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, to name a few. Yes, creative thinking produced massive movements in social and technological change. Sometimes we think we lack creativity, but creative thinking is an attribute we can learn through effort and hard work. I’m reminded of a quote from Albert Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” This quote forms the basis for this discussion. Here are a few ways we can nurture our creative juices when we are faced with mystifying issues or problems. Different Results Require Different Approaches Many of us are on a treadmill, so to speak, repeating the same mistake without even realizing it. Often, this leads to frustration and even anger and then we find that we are treading towards giving up. In fact many do just that. Before this occurs, we need to stop and think about what really is happening to us. It’s time to stop and reflect on our process of confronting the problem. If you want to move towards resolution about something that has blocked you from going forward than it is time to attack it in a different way. The operative word here is ‘stop’ – stop and pull away from the approach you are using. Think about how else you may approach it, talk to a coach, mentor or trusted friend about it, brainstorm your approach with others, or draw a mind map to isolate other alternatives. Once we realize that there are more ways than one to solve a problem we begin to dawn our creative thinking cap. We open ourselves up to new opportunities and learning. We begin to grow and develop and in the process we strengthen our ability to think creatively. Throw Away the Cookie Cutter Approach There are many things in life and at work where we can follow a recipe and achieve a predictable result. Baking cookies or following predicable procedures are like that. Follow the recipe and enjoy the cookies. However, there are times when the recipe or the procedure just doesn’t work, and we need to do something out of the ordinary. We just can’t use the same method to address the same obstacle. When we are faced with more difficult issues that others have tackled unsuccessfully, it’s time to create a new recipe. We need to come up with a new solution. When others are using the same tools and consistently not getting anywhere, the tool probably won’t work for you either. It’s time to create a new approach and step away from the crowd and do something different. Be Confident When You Try To Do Something Different You may be one of those people who posses all the creative ability in the world, but your fears stop you from acting. It’s taking action that moves your creative thoughts to results. Sometimes we are afraid to act because of what people might say. This has blocked many from taking a worthwhile idea to making it fly. It seems that human nature prods us to avoid something new or different and when we don’t take action on creative ideas we fall into the same avoidance trap. So dare to be different – if your idea is worthwhile others will be inspired and follow. It not, you will have gained a tremendous learning experience to advance your next project. After all Edison attempted to make the light bulb 1000 times before he got it to work. Take a Break There may be times when you are faced with an issue and you find yourself staring at a blank piece of paper or your computer. The ideas or what you want to write are just not coming to you. Your creative juices are dead. If this is the case, then it is time to take a break. Get up from your chair and get some exercise - go for a walk, run or whatever you like doing - look out the window and enjoy the view e.g. watch what the people are doing, watch the vehicle traffic, look at the trees blowing in the wind - if at home go wash the dishes, take a shower, play with the kids, talk to your significant other. The point here is do something that takes you away from your creative dead zone. During your break, ideas often come and when they do it’s time to get back to solving your problem. Thank you for reading. Talk to you again soon. Take Care, Keep Well and Stay Safe. Richard Fontanie Problems force us to make choices, however, often the choices we make resonate with our present thinking. And, our present thinking reflects our life experiences that form our identity, our sense of self and our own personhood. If this true, then when we face a problem which suggests we choose a different path, or a different way of doing things, the decision to choose that path becomes hard.
The act of solving a problem forces us to choose, to seek alternative ways to the way we think about or do things. When we work through this process we often choose a solution that re-enforces our present way of thinking and acting. Thus, we think inside the box rather than outside the box. It’s not a breakthrough choice. We become trapped within our own world and keep doing what we always did. We don’t want to change, because change takes us out of our comfort zone. When we are asked to move out of our comfort zone, we often resist. Sometimes we fight, flee or acquiesce in a passive aggressive way by not really accepting the new path and may, consciously or unconsciously, work to undermine the process of moving forward. This is why, when leaders see a need to take a different course than what people are used to or are comfortable with, they often meet with resistance. On the one hand, leaders see a need for change and on the other people through time and experience have engendered a sense of “fit” with their work and their present way of doing things. They have clothed themselves with a sense of comfort with what is. They are not ready to take on the unknown and the ambiguity of it all. So how do we as individuals get comfortable with choices that don’t seem to fit with our way of thinking? And how do leaders help others choose a different path? As individuals we can:
As leaders we can:
Quote: “When you change the way you look at things and the things you look at change” Wayne W. Dyer Author: Richard P. Fontanie MSW, FCMC It sounds strange but we do need resistance if we want to change. Resistance is that force which pushes against moving ahead. Yet without resistance we will unlikely go forward. Positive resistance to change uses force to propel us forward, negative resistance to change uses force to push us back or hold us in a place where we don't move forward or backward. During the change process there is always force to push us forward and counter force to push us backward or to remain in a static position.
Whenever we problem solve we also experience force and counter force, because solving problems is all about change. A problem is usually something that gets us stuck in time and somehow we need to resolve it in order to move forward. When we attempt to resolve problems we often use "push" force to move forward and when there is resistance, a counter force or push back, we attempt to remove the resistance by more push force. This pushing may erupt into physical clashes or angry outbursts. Great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, based on Gandhi's example, changed the resistant dynamic by countering physical push force with peaceful "pull" force. Our sphere of influence isn’t like that of Gandhi or King, but it is important none the less. Most of us are wrapped up in small to medium size businesses or organizations where people often resist change. Resistance to change plays out when a new leader enters an organization with a different vision for its success than the prevailing one; or when there is a slump in the marketplace and drastic change strategies are needed for the business to survive; or when an organization's Board gives direction to shake up the organization because in its view the organization is stagnant, atrophied or no longer meets current market place realities. One approach to resistance is the use of "dictatorial" push force. In such instances we hear statements, often based on fear tactics, that go something like this: "you better change or you no longer work here," or, "let's move resisters to innocuous positions," or, "let's make things as uncomfortable as possible so that people leave." This method is based on dual thinking: it's "my way or the highway." In essence it's an either-or proposition. There's no third way - there's no breakthrough thinking about alternative ways to deal with resistance. It appears from a distance that this type of dictatorial force is emerging within in the Trump administration. The same "push" force is experienced in smaller organizations where employees are displaced or moved out in an undignified manner. In these situations I have even heard language similar to that used in war such as, "they are casualties" or "we have a lot of collateral damage." There may be times, however, when the force of "push" is necessary. In these circumstances "push" methods should maintain the dignity and respect of those being pushed while at the same time maintain the integrity and ethical standards of those doing the pushing. One CEO I know calls this "benevolent" force. In a previous article I suggested that the skills for breakthrough thinking as it pertains to problem solving include empathetic listening, patience and dialogue. These same skill sets are also key to implementing "pull" strategies. My preferred approach views resistance as an opportunity to find a third path arising not as an either/or choice, but as a way to resolve the problem using a balanced push-pull force. A balanced approach suggests combining the "benevolent push" force with the "pull" force ,or, using them in "tandem." However, there are situations when it's best to use the forces separately. In other words, I mostly "pull", other times I benevolently "push" and still others I use "push-pull" forces in tandem. Moving through resistance in this way isn't easy but it does generate positive engagement and buy-in from those affected with far fewer "casualties," while at the same time supports the dignity, respect and integrity of everyone involved. Questions to ponder: Do you understand "push" and "pull" as methods of "force" when dealing with resistance? What is your experience regarding "push" and "pull" forces when you encounter resistance in resolving organizational or personal problems? Should we use "push" and "pull" methods deferentially? Are there times when "push" should be the preferred method of force? If so, how should we use it? Let me know what you think. Many years ago, I learned that we solve problems not by focusing on opposites but by finding opportunities for breakthrough solutions. We often think in two-way or duality terms such as an "I'm right, your wrong mentality." One solution to this dual thinking is to pose a win-win solution. That somewhere between the two positions there must be a middle. The result usually means each gives up something to obtain a resolution, and in finding that resolution each loses something in the transaction. The other solution to the win-win scenario is win-lose, or lose-lose. I win, you lose or we both lose. In these situations, we go head to head and negotiate a middle ground, lose, win or walk away.
Win-win, win-lose, lose-lose are strategies where people often leave the situation feeling unsettled. They give up something to gain something, or don't give up at all. In a breakthrough resolution approach, we are not thinking with a win-win mentality, we are thinking opportunity, something new, a third dimension or a new creative outcome. For breakthrough solutions to reach full fruition dialogue, collaboration, empathetic listening and transparency of thought are necessary. Finding breakthrough solutions belies the more conventional approach of individual competitiveness. Rather than competing, a breakthrough approach relies on mutuality and collaborative effort. The process of coming to a solution each empowers the other. In this way, a solution benefits both while at the same time expresses something new. A new entity arises from the two positions but different from them. If we can resolve problems using this method perhaps we can begin to transform injustices in our workplaces, engender greater respect for each other, strengthen mutual high regard, and in the end, find more enduring solutions. To become "breakthrough" champions we need to learn how to become less selfish and egotistical, or another way of putting it, we will need to learn how to become more adult in our approach and less of the righteous and petulant adolescent. One of the keys to breakthrough thinking is to blank out the way we usually solve problems. Rather than framing a situation from one's point of view as a position to defend we suspend all judgement and approach it with new set of lenses. We look for mutual opportunity without the resistance of personal positioning. Does this mean we suspend our experience? After all, we are who we are based on our experience - it forms our world view about how we approach others and our problems. The short answer is no. It is how we frame the situation and our response that becomes the basis of our breakthrough. An example of this often occurs in meetings when people say such things as 'this is the way we handled this issue in the past," or "we tried that back in 2002, and it didn't work." This is not breakthrough thinking, this is rear view mirror thinking. Breakthrough thinking draws on our experience without specific reference to the past and looks for new opportunities in the present that will lead to a better outcome in the future. Too many good solutions get shelved because people shut off the flow of creative thinking by dwelling on the past rather than using that experience to explore opportunities which lead to solving today's problems. When we seek a breakthrough solution we don't think in dualistic terms such as right and wrong, black and white, this way or that way, but rather in triangular or ternary terms. What flows from this and that, black and white, right and wrong, past and future, produces a third opportunity. What flows from black and white is gray, neither black nor white; what flows from right and wrong is situational choice based on conscientious discernment, and what flows from past and leads to the future is the wisdom of the present. Each is a distinct entity different and unique from the other, but flows from the energy of the two to make a third opportunity or result. At times breakthrough thinking seems to come from a force outside ourselves. It is one of those "ah, ah moments," where a bolt of creativity strikes, and we ask, "where did that come from?" It presents itself not in dualistic terms but as something new and fresh. It may be a result of our subconscious working on the issue, or may be a force beyond ourselves, which many refer to as their Spiritual Source. It is Archimedes in the bathtub or Mary in the last meeting who said, " I just had a unique idea that I think will break our log jam." It is not easy to arrive at a breakthrough because we seem to be wired to think in opposites and defend our positions rather than seek a third, different course. It takes discipline, energy, collaborative effort and a mutual commitment to go beyond our present world view. Let's take a couple of typical examples from my own consulting practice:
One of the challenges with breakthrough solutions is that it leads to change because the solution is different from what exists; and this is the rub, because people are often resistant to change (see articles on change). However, if they are engaged in finding a breakthrough the change is embraced as a natural flow from the solution; if they are not engaged then preparatory work is necessary. An edict will not work but a process of open communication, encouragement, empathetic listening and engagement from the ground up will. What to do: Breakthrough solutions are not always easy, nor are they always possible. However, if we strive in good faith to seek solutions outside of our constricted thinking we may discover better solutions, or at least be clearer about the problem at hand and possible opportunities they present. In any event when approaching breakthrough solutions: Be calm. Remain neutral. Keep ego in check. Suspend judgement. Be open to all possibilities. Listen deeply and empathetically Communicate and collaborate openly. Wait for, and discover together, the "Ah!Ah!" moment. Prepare self through meditation and work with others unselfishly. Think opportunity, not in dualistic terms but in third-way and creative terms. |
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