 According to Elizabeth Scott, PHD, in an article found at VeryWellMind, "Procrastination, passive-aggressiveness, and rumination are examples of unhelpful coping mechanisms that we may consciously or unconsciously use to avoid tackling a tough issue or facing thoughts and feelings that are uncomfortable."
The world is a difficult place. But we know the world has always been a difficult place. The difference today is that things are moving faster than ever before, and issues appear to erupt from out of blue. Our social media and newscasts are filled with negative vibes causing us to come to the brink of exhaustion. The turmoil we face might drive us to run from our troubles. Regrettably, if we habitually flee, we will be constantly running and hiding from our problems. Does this sound familiar to you? Perhaps you are one of those who run away from your problems rather than facing them head on. Unfortunately, problems just don’t disappear when you run away from them. They do have a tendency to come back and sneak up on you. So, how can you successfully tackle them and move toward a future where you are no longer afraid of them? Here are some ideas to help you quit evading your troubles. Chunk Your Problems Down Into Small Steps Greenberg, author of the book The Stress-Proof Brain, advises working through the easiest phases first after splitting the problem into manageable sections. The idea here is to make sure you are clear about what your problem is and then break them down into smaller steps. Looking at the problem as a whole could freeze you or cause you to flee. An old Chinese Proverb states, “It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” Wise words for us to follow. Chunking your problems into small steps may go something like this: you are faced with writing a memo about a problem you are having, rather than stewing about it state the problem clearly, what you want to achieve in solving it, the steps you want to take to solve it, how it will make your life or organization better, how its resolution will affect your overall goals or the goals of the organization, and end with a concluding statement. Use Your Support System Our support network is often an underappreciated asset. Sometimes we feel alone and overwhelmed by our problems and cannot find an anchor. Are you someone who has the impression that no one cares about you and that no one is eager to assist you? If you do, you should have a look around. There is always someone who would be delighted to assist you in overcoming a problem you might be facing. Remember that we encounter a slew of issues on a daily basis. Many of the issues we face are often similar to those of others. They can give you a hands up regarding your problem. It won’t be exactly the same but a good listening ear with someone can help you sort through your issue. There is no need for you to believe that you must solve all of your problems on your own. If your support system is wanting then it’s time to buckle down and get to work! Don’t be afraid to reach out and create one that works for you. You can look for them within your faith community, workplace, circle of real friends, and even within your family. As well if it’s a deep personal problem there is always professional help to support you as you work towards resolving it. Check you counselling services in your area or go to someone you trust in your community, perhaps someone who leads your faith community could be a resource for you. Develop a Plan Planning is nothing other than looking ahead and determining how to proceed in the present. So if you are procrastinating or running away from your problems then stop and think about how you can overcome it. Think about how you can approach your issue. Just because you don’t have a solution at the moment doesn’t mean that one doesn’t exist. What you need to do is spend some quiet time in coming up with a solution. For instance, create a quiet space for yourself, identify the issue you are facing, make two columns one for identifying what is bothering you in specific terms and the other for possible solutions. Don’t stop until you have drained your brain. Then take a hard look at your solutions and prioritize them giving the best one the top priority. As you sort out the problem you can also do some research about it and find out how others have come to grips with it in the past, but make sure the information you find is accurate Be Accountable Once you have sorted out what you are going to do about your problem it is now time to hold yourself accountable. This is one of the great ways to overcome problems in the long term. For example, if you're attempting to better manage your spending and food intake, you should keep track of how much you eat or you're spending habits. Better yet make a budget for all your sources of income and expenses. Then hold yourself accountable to following it. Ask others to help you be accountable. Share your goals with others and the steps you are taking to work through your problems. Ask these people to keep an eye out and ask you about your progress. And make sure that you update them about your progress on your own. One final note on accountability. When you succeed in overcoming your problem give yourself a small reward. Others will probably not give you a reward but you have mastered the issue and found a solution so why not rewarding yourself for a job well done. Running Away Is Not A Viable Long-Term Solution This is most likely the most crucial aspect of learning how to quit running away from issues. It's admitting that fleeing isn't a long-term solution. And no matter what time or far you flee, you can never really run from your problems. Running away from problems is a common way for us to try to avoid them; it's a protective strategy. Running, however, does not completely shield us from anything. Avoidance solves none of our problems. It has never done so in the past, and it will never do so in the future. In Conclusion Facing our problems is the only way to solve them. This may take time, courage, effort and commitment, but in the end, they are solved and no longer pose a burden on our emotional and mental health. And, as an added bonus, overcoming those problems helps us build inner strength and resilience. Thank you for reading and as always keep safe, stay well and continue becoming the best version of yourself. Richard Fontanie Other Readings: Just go to the Front Page and type in problem in the search bar on top of the page.
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 Are you kind to everyone you meet? Would people describe you as big-hearted? That is not the same as being a people pleaser. Do you sometimes accommodate others even though you'd rather not? That still might not be enough to classify you as a people pleaser. To be clear I am not talking about pleasing customers, clients, friends and others in a positive sense. I am referring to a deep seated pattern of pleasing others without regard to self. People pleasers are those who get caught up in a lifestyle of saying yes to everything and everyone because they are incapable of saying no. At a subconscious level they are saying, “If I don’t buy this product or please this person they will think less of me.” At root is their search for acceptance and so they allow others’ wants, arguments, and desires to take precedence over their own. They fall prey to the smart marketing strategy of the seller without fully understanding what is really driving them to buy. This is great for the seller, not so great for the buyer. And if you are dealing with an unscrupulous seller they don’t care ‘why’ you are buying their product, they are only interested in selling it. People pleasers who grab everything that comes their way go beyond a level of no return in their quest to be successful yet continue to purchase more without a clear vision or strategy of their own. Everyone wants to feel safe, accepted and loved. It's literally written in our DNA because humans are social creatures. We form communities and we always have so we have evolved to seek acceptance from others. Unfortunately, people pleasers figure out the most effective way to find acceptance is to allow someone else's wants, wishes, and desires to take precedence over their own. It's fine at first because it seems to work for them. We experience less conflict so everything must be great, right? The only problem is that external conflict dissipates while internal conflict builds. In business we often hear of people pleasers who become desperate because they have bought too much. They become anxious, guilty, depressed, and stressed. They fall into a sense of ‘victimhood’ and ‘buyer’s remorse.’ For many it has gone on too long by this point, and if this is like you you've been marked as someone who says yes to everything and trying to redraw your boundaries will become stressful. You feel guilty with every no and worry about upsetting or disappointing people. Sometimes, you have to choose between yourself and everything else. People-pleasing is denying yourself and your needs to accommodate everyone else's. You're a nice person, but you're hurting yourself in a bid to serve others. There's a good chance you're stressed out, exhausted, and overworked. This might take a toll on your health, both mental and physical. You're running out of time and energy and you may be approaching the breaking point. Don’t become worn out and rusted out like the vehicles of old. There is a way out of this conundrum because you can help others without harming yourself. Take Care Of Yourself Your needs should always be met first. If you, do it the other way around you will never have the time or energy to address your needs. It's okay to make yourself a priority. If someone makes a request of you, you can simply explain you have some things to do for yourself right now. It's all about setting and enforcing limits thus prioritizing yourself as important. You have to recharge your batteries. The important point here is if we don’t take care of ourselves it becomes difficult to take care of others. Keep to a Schedule Many people keep tabs on their finances. Think of your time like you do your finances. Afterall they say in the business world that ‘time is money’ for a reason. Just as you sit down and create a budget, you can sit down and create a schedule for your time. What time do you need for yourself? What time do you need for tasks, errands, and responsibilities, and what is left over? When someone asks for your help, you can consult your schedule. Make sure you build in flexibility in your schedule. Don’t make it so tight that you do not have wiggle room for the unexpected phone calls, emails, interruptions that come your way. Be prepared because they will come. And it’s best to plan the next day before the end of the day. This way you can close off the day and sleep better. Just as you do with time, you can also budget energy. Do you have the energy to undertake this request? Don't overwork yourself just because you feel bad. In the process make sure you are building in energy breaks. Work in 60 to 90 minute time frames if you can. Delay Your Agreement Don't feel compelled to agree to something or someone immediately. A common people-pleasing response is to immediately agree only to realize later that it's impossible. Giving yourself time and space to check your schedule gives you space to consider whether you want to or can help out. If you are scheduling appropriately you have set out critical priorities for yourself. Work on these priorities first thing in the morning, place your emails, text messages and other interrupters on hold until you have accomplished your priorities, or at the end of the 60-90 minute time frame. Simplify When you strive to only please others and get caught up in purchasing things you don’t need or they don’t fit into where you want to go in life, then it is time to simplify. It’s time to remove the junk and focus on the important and not the clutter. Clutter plugs up the mind and disturbs a peaceful environment, whether that be at your place of work or in your home. Clutter becomes a distraction and takes you away from where you want to be. Create the balance necessary to give to others while living simply for yourself. When Else Fails Just Say No While some say sorry is the hardest word, no is often just as difficult. At least, it is where people-pleasers are concerned. When you say no, do not feel as though you have to offer a justification. There is no need to provide an explanation or an excuse. Learning how to say "No, I can't do that," is a great way for people-pleasers to reestablish their boundaries. If that sounds like the scariest thing you have ever heard, then you can practice with explanations and work up to a flat no. Just remember this, the more of an explanation you offer the easier others will find it to talk you into it. If you must offer an explanation, be as vague as you can to give yourself space. If you think you fall into the category of ‘people pleaser’ you may need to check out where life is taking you, if this is you just drop a note in the comments below and we can talk. If you want help in becoming better organized fill in the contact form below. I look forward to hearing from you. As always, stay safe, be well and become the best version of yourself through personal growth and development. Thank you for reading, Richard. Psychologist Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D. suggests that being indecisive in life can be a hindrance. An inability to make decisions leads to missed opportunities and potentially failure in our goals. Decisions are of course not always easy and certainly should not be rushed when important. There are extremes when it comes to decision making with some people struggling to make choices while others plough through blindly without thinking. It is therefore important to avoid overshooting a more decisive attitude to life and blundering into bad decisions. Bad decisions lead to mistakes and could lead to feelings of failure. Fortunately mistakes can be corrected, but feelings of failure cuts much deeper. We all make mistakes and they are part of normalcy but for some people mistakes lead to a sense of failure. They don't see mistakes as opportunities for growth, they see them as ways to clothe themselves in feelings of failure. They give up on themselves and have a foreboding attitude towards themselves as someone who won't or can't make it in life. It is an awful feeling of loss within themselves. Don’t Let Fear of Failure Inhibit You One of the biggest mental blocks we face when making decisions can often be our own fear of failing. Psychologist Guy Winch Ph.D. suggests that some people are so afraid of failing that their motivation to avoid disappointment overrides their motivation to succeed. Failing can make people disappointed, angry, frustrated, regretful and sad. See also If you are afraid that you will fail you may shy away from important decisions and this is not a good thing. In order to let go of this fear of failing it is important to reach a new understanding of what failure is. Everyone who has achieved success in this life has encountered some aspect of the feelings of failure. It’s an unavoidable circumstance and should be viewed as a learning experience. Making a choice and failing or better understood as making a mistake is just education for the next choice you make. Focus on Now When being more decisive it is important to focus strongly on what is happening right now. Some people may dwell on the past and situations which have no bearing now. As an example, some people avoid choosing to get married because they saw their parents' union fall apart; or, someone in their family has lost their business, and so they are fearful of starting their own. The fear of someone else’s failure can sometimes affect our own decisions. It’s not just the past that affects our decision making, sometimes an unrealistic view of the future can do so as well. Over planning something can lead to irrational assumptions regarding our decisions. People may shy away from making decisions because they attach unrelated consequences. As an example, someone who wants to be a doctor but is worried their workload will be so high they won't have time for a family. Focus mainly on the now, not the past and not an overly planned out future. Slow Down to Ease the Fear Slow and steady wins the race. This may seem like a cliché saying based on a childish story of a tortoise and hare but it is more than that. The message is important, rushing into something can lead to more mistakes. And more mistakes can lead to a sense of failure and of course for those who fear this, it leads to indecisiveness. Unless you are a firefighter, police officer, medical professional, or member of the armed forces your decisions will seldom be life and death. Take your time in making decisions, think them through. Ultimately, taking a step back to consider will lead you to more informed choices and less stress. They Are Your Decisions A big source of anxiety for some people when it comes to being decisive is a fear of letting people down. This could be parents, friends, romantic partners, or work colleagues. It’s true that sometimes our decisions affect others and we may have to consider them. There are, however, plenty of times in our lives where the decision is ours alone and we take in what they may recommend but the decision is ours to make along with the consequences that may follow. For instance:
Do not fear others' opinions if you know the choice is right for you but always consider the impact the choice has on others and the value and good you can offer as you make those choices. If you want to discuss your situation regarding a shift in career or thinking about establishing a business contact me below. Thank you for reading and as always Stay Safe, Keep Healthy and Take Care Out There, Richard.  One of the characteristics of successful people, however you define success, is that they have persistence. Persistence can have a positive influence on our lives. It is fundamentally the act of finishing what you start, no matter what obstacles and difficulties are in your way.
It is a great life skill to have. Persistence can support you as you navigate life’s roller coaster ride with poise and agility. The difficulty is that sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. Because our brain is always in survival mode when we meet a problem, our brain triggers a response to run the other way and find a safe place to hide. So, in order to calm down our brains and find the security within us so that we can discover our own way in this world, we need to learn how to not only survive but also thrive. This article focuses on the power or the force of persistence and how we can learn to persevere against the odds that we think are stacked against us. Let’s get started. What Is The Force of Persistence? The force of persistence can be used in seemingly contradictory ways. For instance it can be used to getting your dream job or working in the job you hate; starting a business or letting your dreams go unfulfilled. It can mean living in a happy and fulfilling relationship or being lonely and miserable. Persistence encourages us to push harder and strive for more. It is what keeps us going after experiencing defeat or making mistakes. It is that inner voice that inspires us to forge new paths toward our journey to successful living. The great American poet, James Whitcomb Riley, said “The most essential factor is persistence – the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.” Persistence Defined The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines persistence as “ the quality that allows someone to continue doing something or trying to do something even though it is difficult or opposed by other people.” So you persevere and keep going even when the odds are stacked against you. No matter what! That definition alone tells us that persistence is one of the key distinguishing factors that points to whether an outcome will be successful or not. However, some people just don’t have that burning desire. So, they either give up or don’t bother putting in the effort. Then, there’s the other group of people who pay close attention. They work hard and assimilate everything they’ve learned. It is the first group that has the most difficulty in following their dreams. They either don’t try or give up too soon and sell themselves and their communities short. So, to sum up: without persistence, we essentially get two groups of people: the successful and the not-so-successful. When you decide which group you want to be in that is when your journey really begins. Persistence – An Acquired Skill Now do you realize that persistence is an acquired skill? Experts refer to these as soft skills like communication and problem-solving. It can be taught to help you manage interpersonal relationships, keep you on track with tasks and projects, and push you forward when met with obstacles. When you have the right amount of determination, you can succeed in business, work and life. Knowledge is one thing. Many people know what do to but don’t put into practice what they know. So knowing that you can learn persistence is the easy part. The hard part is practicing it every single day until you’ve fine-tuned and perfected it. Thomas Edison is credited with thousands of inventions and discoveries. Yet, he’s the first to admit that he failed more times than he can remember. He is a great example of someone who learned from his mistakes (failures) and of those he said “ (failures are) just as valuable to me as the positive results.” He went on to say, “Most of life’s failures are people who didn’t realize how close they were to success before they gave up.” (Note: I don’t like using the word ‘failure’ as it can denote one’s attitude. I prefer ‘mistakes’ as they can be corrected and improved upon.) This suggests that without persistence people either lack a sense of purpose or they have no stamina. Persistence is of little use if you don’t have something to strive for and if you have something to strive for persistence will help you get there. Even with a deep sense of purpose it is still hard to keep strong. But just realize that all major successes in life taste sweeter when you consistently put in the effort. Why It’s Important To Develop Persistence Have you ever experienced enjoyment working on a creative project, then out of nowhere something gets in the way, and you drop the ball? Welcome to the club. We have all been there. However that’s when you have two clear choices: keep going or give up. So, what do you do? Let’s look at this way; the easy choice is to give up. You know that the other way is better, but you choose the safer route. Why? Because it is familiar and yes even comfortable. You know that route. And even though you may have faced disappointments along the way you just don’t want to shake things up. You are in your comfort zone, but if you stay there it can get downright stifling, and unfortunately it may lead to low self-esteem, failure, regret, heartache and more. What’s the alternative? Getting up even though you don’t want to and standing up against the odds. Then, with persistent hard work you start to turn the corner. You start feeling good about yourself, confidence is strengthened and solutions to your blockages unravel. Time does not stand still. Tomorrow you can look back at yesterday, yestermonth, or yesteryear and tally your accomplishments and humbly be proud of how far you’ve come. It might take time for people to realize that your vision and aspirations weren’t you just daydreaming; they now see by your actions that you made it through all the challenges and hard times. According to Dale Carnegie, “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” You’re probably thinking that it sounds too good to be true. Everyone thinks that at first. Then, they take their first actionable step and never look back! Traits Of Highly Persistent People Experience teaches us that successful people in all walks of life, at any age, are people who are described as determined, resolute, disciplined and purposeful. So what are the traits of highly successful people. Surveys show that people who are persistent have a vision of what they want to be, and as they journey toward their future, they stumble, fall down, get up and never lose faith in their ability to keep going. They have the “stick-to-it-ness” quality buoyed by their confidence. They respectfully listen to others, adjust their thinking where necessary, chose their path and go forward. People who’ve overcome trying times have developed certain attributes that allow them to go despite hard times. Some of these attributes or traits include stamina, resilience, patience, endurance and determination. Using 15 Habits Of Persistent People To Help You Develop Persistence Earlier this article pointed out that persistence is an acquired skill. Therefore we can learn how to incorporate it into our daily lives. Below is a list of 15 habits of persistent people. Go through the list and pick one habit that sticks out to you the most. Make a point to incorporate it into your daily life. Once you are good at that, pick another one. Repeat with all the other ones until they become almost second nature. Here are the 15 most common habits of highly persistent people.
Positive Affirmations Can Help Generate Persistence As you develop persistence in your life reinforce it with positive affirmations. Repeated positive self-talk reinforces our learning. They lift us up, motivate us and support our desire to strengthen our resolve. They don’t have to be complicated. Pick one or two that you will remember and that you can repeat to yourself. . Here are a few positive affirmations to help boost your persistence and keep you motivated.
Persistence Of The Deeper Self There is one other type of persistence that I’m calling the ‘Persistence of the Deeper Self.’ What I mean by that is the persistent love that comes from deep within us, a persistent call from the Divine, that gives us the strength to continue on the path to love others as we love ourselves. It is a persistent but gentle call that continually encourages us to go beyond the ordinary and become the best version of ourselves as we relate to others, carry out our business, work and engage in life. Each of us knows that call when we silently listen to our inner voice calling us to do better, become better, care for self, and do more for others. A Final Note No doubt, the power of persistence can affect all aspects of our lives. It’s a powerful antidote to the most difficult of hardships which get in your way. All you have to do is practice the above mentioned techniques . Then, muster up some courage from deep within you born out of a deeper sense of persistence. This will allow you to constantly push forward to achieve more and be better. Remember there are three simple things about persistence: 1) you can learn about it and change your behaviors, 2) there are techniques that help strengthen your persistence so get organized so that you can put the techniques into practice, and 3) don’t let obstacles get in your way, find ways to go over them, under them or through them. And finally believe that you can overcome whatever is in front of you and you will have a wonderful recipe for strengthening persistence and achieving your vision and goals. Thank you for reading, Keep safe, stay well and continue becoming the best version of yourself, Richard P. Fontanie.  One of the biggest time wasters facing people these days is procrastination. You know someday I’m going to write my book, or someday “I’m going to start a business” or “Someday I’ll prepare a business plan,” or, “Someday I will lose weight, or develop an exercise regime, or … you fill in the blank.
But someday never comes and we don’t fulfill our goals or tasks. Or we leave them to the last minute and we need to rush to get them done and in the process leave some important thing out. Or we wake up in the middle of the night and say, ‘Damn I forgot to do such and such.’ Procrastination can cause: energy drain, sleepless nights, anxiety, frustration, missed deadlines, forgotten tasks, unfulfilled goals, lack of focus and overall stress. Sound familiar? What should we do to overcome the dreaded procrastination habit? This article deals with four possible causes and what we can do about them. Before we go into that first ask yourself, "Why are you procrastinating?" Is the problem too big and you can’t get a handle on it? is it fear for what people might say if you do it? Is the issue you don’t know how to do it? Or is it a relationship issue that blocks you from dealing with it? Whatever causes you to fall prey to procrastination there are solutions to what ails you. The Problem Is Too Big If the problem is too big break it down into smaller steps. For instance if you have a week to do something break it down into five steps. Start on Monday and by Friday it’s done. Big projects often freeze us, but it needn’t be that way. No matter how big the problem break it down into manageable steps, put it on your calendar and work on it piece be piece. Staring at a blank page or computer won’t help. If it is a task that causes you to procrastinate then put it on your task list for first thing in the morning. Make it a priority to get it done. When we put a task as a priority for first thing in the morning and get it done we no longer have that niggly voice in the back of our head –"Hey you got to do this,” “When are you going to do it” “You know you have to do it.” The Problem Relates To Fear Sometimes we hold back from doing something because we are afraid of what people might say? If this is the case you may need to check your misplaced pride or take a hard look at how your ego is getting in the way of progress. Of course, if what is holding you back is immoral, unethical or a conflict in values, then it is a good thing you are procrastinating. Your 'heart' or 'gut' is telling you not too proceed. When this is the case then this is not procrastinating, your 'better self' is telling you not to go ahead because in the end you will be sorry you did. Fear also leads to procrastination paralysis. We let procrastination block us and then worry needlessly that we are not getting what we are procrastinating on done. When psychological fear keeps you from doing something, the question you need to ask ourselves is, “What will really happen if I proceed?” or put another way, “What is my biggest risk?” Here we are getting at the source of the fear, meeting it head on, and finding a way to get around it, over it or through it. Sometimes our fear leads to more anxiety for us than the what the thing we are procrastinating on is worth. Fear often is the biggest mouse in the room. Even an elephant is fearful of the smallest of creatures. When fear paralyses you, get to the source of your fear. Talk to a coach, mentor or someone you trust and move past it – again one step at a time. The Problem Relates To Lack of Skill The third issue that causes procrastination relates to a knowledge or skill gap - we just don’t know how to complete the task, project or solve the problem. This is much easier to deal with than we think. Fundamentally we are dealing with a “skill deficiency’ and there are several ways to get around this one: a) ask someone to help you, b) take a course in the area you feel you are lacking – there are courses for just about anything these days, find one that fits you. You can “Google it,” “You Tube it” “take an on-line course” or take a course from a “community college or university”. In this case we take responsibility for finding solutions, and not giving in to the procrastination game. The Problem Relates To Relationships. The Fourth concern relates to the dreaded relationship issue. Relationship issues that produce procrastination often come from several different situations – too many to deal with in this article. But there are some generic things we can do. For instance we can:
In conclusion there are several reasons why we procrastinate, ranging from too big a problem to fear, a skill gap to relationship issues. There are solutions for each situation if we take the time to uncover what holds us back from proceeding. Find the source and you will find the solution. A solution is much better than the weight of procrastination. Is it time to find solutions to your procrastination and turn it upside down? If time management is something you are concerned about let me know below and I will set up an exploration interview with you. In the meantime stay safe, keep well and continue becoming the best version of yourself. Thanks for Reading Richard Fontanie I receive commissions for Amazon.  We live in an age where we need to strengthen our critical thinking skills. I’m not talking about critical thinking in terms of hard skills, but those related to the expansive use of social media. Currently it is estimated there are 4.2 billion social media users throughout the world, equivalent to 53.6% of the world’s population. Seventy-four percent of American adults now use social media. Pew Research has indicated that in the US alone 84% of people between the ages of 18-29 use social media. Those between 30-49 years of age are not far behind at 81%. The numbers fall a bit as we get older with 73% of the users are between 50-64 and those 65 and above are at 45%. Are we becoming social media addicts? It may appear so as the latest 2021 social media statistics show that in the US people spend and average of 2.5 hours per day on social networks and messaging. Corporate brands use social media to build brand loyalty and influence buyers. When it comes to social media marketing 73% of marketers believe that social media marketing has been “somewhat effective” or ‘very effective.” In 2018 customers using social media to research products rose to the level of 54%. And 98.8% of users now access social media via a mobile device with people spending an average of 4 hours and 10 minutes on those devices daily. The average user has accounts on 8.4 different social platforms with almost 100% of those using all of the major platforms like Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Tick Tok, and Pinterest, It is hard to keep up with the surging trends in social media because there are substantial increases in it’s adoption year over year with significant daily increases in usage. With the high usage of social media begs the question are we using it to our advantage or are we taking too much for granted. This leads to the nub of this post which is about using our critical thinking skills when it comes to employing the various forms of social media. Here are five cautionary points to consider. (Notes 1, 2) 1. Don’t take things at face value. The other way of looking at this is ‘don’t be gullible.’ This is an influencing strategy often used by individuals and companies. The strategy is to fool people into thinking that what is being said is factual. It is similar to ‘false news.’ It is a dishonest and unethical approach to convincing people that the product or service does no harm and is trustworthy. An example of gullibility occurred in the 1990s and early 2000s when Purdue Pharma, maker of the notorious OxyContin, convinced gullible doctors to prescribe unneeded opioids that led to hundreds of thousands of addictions. (see article by Maria Szalavitz in the Scientific American). This strategy, unfortunately, is often used in the internet marketing world and promoted through social media. 2. Think for yourself – don’t follow the herd. There is a long standing myth that lemmings follow the heard and jump over cliffs. This is a good metaphor for someone who follows people into a bad situation rather than think critically about their situation and act in alignment with their best judgement. Often this is how negative and false stories on social media go viral. If the story is shared enough, people start believing them to be true and soon protests arise. What is happening here is that people are influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors based on emotional grounds rather than on a rational basis. Often in herd mentality people make decisions different than they would have if they made them individually. They are swept up within the crowd and stop thinking for themselves. The interesting thing about social media is that it is sparked by someone, then grabbed by others and soon what I call “digital mentality” takes hold and people start believing what others tell them rather than thinking for themselves. 3. Understand history. There is a laziness about social media buffs for not checking the background or history of the social media story. The story may be based on the writer’s opinion or life experience rather than on what may or may not be historically factual. Once again social media readers are caught in the ‘gullibility trap.’ In order to fully understand the story (unless it is just opinion or personal example) one needs to seek evidence, check out assumptions and reasoning and trace out the implications of what is being said and done. Socrates did this best 2500 years ago by what is now referred to as the “Socratic Questioning” method. The importance questioning a social media piece is critical to understanding it’s historical context and assures us that there is adequate evidence or a rational basis to warrant our belief in the story. The salient point here is don’t be lazy and do a bit of critical thinking by questioning the history of the post. (Note 4) 4. Put things in context. Remember people often promote stuff from their perspective, and therefore it is important to understand ‘where they may be coming from.” Sometimes we are quick to give a thumbs up on a Facebook post because it agrees with our own point of view, without really checking our own thinking on the matter. Without critically looking at the comment from our own perspective or from the perspective of the writer or talker. It is the easy way out. So how do we put comments in context? Well when you are viewing something on You Tube for instance you can watch their body language, such as their facial expressions, eye contact, hand gestures and whether they are congruent with what they are saying. When it comes to the written word often people write on social media in a shorthand style by saying as few words as possible without any context on the matter. To understand this just review what is said on Twitter, Facebook and Tic Toc. Some people purposely quote a sentence out of context. Often political statements are presented in this way. Here we again need to use our critical thinking skills by questioning the statement and completing an internet search to access the whole statement before jumping to our conclusion. 5. Listen attentively – both for what is being said and what is not being said. This is often a subtle approach to hide the meaning behind what is being written or said. Our ability to read behind the verbiage is another critical thinking skill. On the surface it looks like something we can agree to but when we begin to question the statement we begin to see it as a mask for something else. Sometimes these masked statements are quite transparent, while others are really opaque. It is the latter where we need to be especially on our guard and ask some simple questions: Is the statement really credible? Is the voice behind the statement trustworthy? What are other people saying about the individual in an unbiased way and without character assassination? Conclusion Social media is on the rise and will continue to rise for the foreseeable future. This post recognizes that social media is here to stay but in order for us to use it wisely we need to be critical thinkers. As critical thinkers we need to ensure our posts reflect the right history and background. be honest and transparent with the reader or listener, act ethically in visual and written form, and put our content in context. As always folks, keep safe, stay well and continue becoming the best version of yourself. Richard. Note 1: 140+ Social Media Statistics that Matter to Marketers in 2021 (hootsuite.com) Note 2: 10 Social Media Statistics You Need to Know in 2021 [Infographic] (oberlo.com) Note 3: Maria Szalavitz, The Scientific American Note 4: A Brief History of the Idea of Critical Thinking  There are all kinds of people in your life that could be a fantastic role model. One that will make a huge difference in your life. It doesn’t matter who it is, or whether it is one person or many. The essential ingredient is that they inspire and encourage you to become the best version of yourself.
The value of having a role model is not just having someone to look up to. It’s much more than that. A role model is someone who will help you grow as a person and help you build a successful life. This article will explore the benefits of a role model as a mentor, what makes a good one and how they can help you grow personally and professionally. The Benefits of Having a Role Model or Mentor Denzel Washington once said, “I think a role model is a mentor – someone you see on a daily basis and you learn from them.” He is correct, perhaps not on a daily basis, but certainly frequently enough that they make an imprint on you. The key here is the role model helps you improve. To paraphrase Oliver Goldsmith you will seldom improve if you have no one to copy other than yourself. Two things you need to look out for when choosing a positive role model: one, they have a strong set of values, and two, they accept and learn from mistakes. Positive role models help us make better decisions especially when we are trying to make a tough decision. We can look to them to help us sort through the thought process, give us a sense of comfort in our struggle, and more importantly show us encouragement. By studying how they overcome problems and obstacles we learn how to overcome them as well. That guidance, support and encouragement pushes us to work harder at ourselves. Slowly we learn to reach our true potential. We come aware that we are doing things that we thought were once impossible; or doing things that were not even on our radar. So why is it so important to find a positive role model in your life? 1. They will encourage you to avoid certain pitfalls No one is perfect. In fact, if truth be known, perfection is not part of our DNA. We may aspire to become the best version of ourselves, but we can’t reach the 100% mark as a person. We all make mistakes but the key is we must learn from them. Positive role models understand this because they too have made mistakes. However, they don’t wallow in their mistakes, they pick themselves up and learn from them. They know that mistakes are good for us, that they are just a bump along our journey. A positive role model always turns mistakes into advantages – they learn from them. Often the mistakes you make are the same ones they have made and they can share with you how they overcame them. They won’t tell you to follow exactly how they resolved their issue but they will give it as an example and support you as you tackle your issue. When you look at how others have resolved problems and made decisions it can be a huge motivator. You find that you are not alone on your journey. That others are travelling with you and that they too have had to make detours along the way and have come out on the other side in one piece becoming a wiser and a better person. They motivate and inspire hope. 2. They have your interest at heart and help you become the person you were meant to be. Each of us are different and we are here for a reason. So comparing yourself with others is really a waste of time. Build on your strengths – these are the things that make you, you. When you come up against something that you are not good at, you can resolve it in four ways. First you can learn how to do it; secondly you can put into your too hard basket within your brain – that basket where you needn’t dwell on it now; thirdly, you can drop it altogether as it isn’t important; and fourthly, you can refer it to another time by time-dating it. However you handle it, it is more important that you place your energy that matters more to you at the moment and that allows you to grow as a person. What is important really is becoming the best version of yourself. Write out your core values and a set of actionable goals. Share these with your mentor – they will be your sounding board and as you progress in fulfilling them you will gain confidence in yourself and grow into the person you are meant to be. This is one of the biggest lessons learned from a positive role model – that of giving you the opportunity to let your inner true self come alive. 3. They show you a way to persevere when you hit a rough patch. Even past failures don’t guarantee future successes all of the time. Some days will be perfect where everything goes your way. Other days, you’ll feel the anxiety and pressure that life can bring. Finding a positive role model can help you stay grounded during difficult times. They can help you keep your eyes on the prize and strive to work harder to achieve your goals. When it comes to your pursuits in life, it’s better to be tenacious and resolute. A good role model teaches you the importance of never giving up. They also show you the best ways to deal with any future setbacks you can come across in the future. How do they do that? Simple! They have a sense of purpose and know where they want to go in life. A great example of this is Thomas Edison. You may have heard of him; the man who’s known worldwide for his multiple inventions. Even though his innovations have reshaped life as we know it, he wasn’t always the big success we now know him to be. In fact, his teachers said he wouldn’t amount to much. Then, as an adult, he was even fired a couple of times. The reasons? His bosses said he was a “non-productive” employee. Not only that, but it took him 1,000 attempts to invent the light bulb. He was even asked how he felt about failing all those times. Edison answered with confidence, “I didn’t fail...The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” That’s the power of perseverance and determination! 4. They inspire you. You can imitate your role model’s confidence, positivity, tenacity, and determination, but understand that you are imitating these qualities only to let your own light shine. What is important here is that your role model is someone to look up to and admire and you mirror those qualities in order for you to achieve your vision, aspirations and dreams. Take the qualities you admire most in your mentor and brainstorm around them. Draw out a Mindmap and branch out from each of the qualities how they apply to you. Let your imagination run wild and after you are finished go back and strike off the unimportant ones, the ones that you are uncomfortable with, and work on the one’s that you think will bring you satisfaction and joy. This way you are coming to grips with who you are and using your mentor as a role model, someone to emulate but within your own personality and mindset. Conclusion Finding a positive mentor as a role model is like digging for diamonds. When you find one who is willing to get to know you personally and you can tap into their experience to help you navigate the choppy waters of your life, work, or business, and they in turn support you as you grow and develop – you know you have found the right diamond for you. There is a mutual connection where you know you have found someone you can trust, emulate, learn from, and who will inspire you. From their shoulders you reach new heights in your own personal growth and development. As always, take care, be well and become the best version of yourself, Thank you for reading Richard  TIME MANAGEMENT EXPERTISE Do These 8 Things Every Day to Stay Productive, By Jackelyn Ho. Copied from Priority LearningLink with permission.
Whether you try one or try all, these tips are guaranteed to make your day more efficient. Everyone wants to be more productive. How incredible would it be to wake up with a to-do list that you can actually do? Unfortunately, life happens and distractions get in the way of a day's fully checked off checklist. I'm guilty of starting out with good intentions and then falling prey to the dings of my email and the bright lights of my phone. I took it upon myself to stop the madness and slowly started implementing these things one by one...and it actually worked. You don't have to apply this list all at once but if you can get to a place where you are doing most of these things most of the time, then you are well on your way to a more efficient day. 1. Wake up 15 minutes earlier. No one wants to lose any sleep, but I found that waking up a little earlier than my day was supposed to start allowed me to spend extra time on my morning routine and prepare my mind. I could finally sit down and eat breakfast instead of inhaling it between red lights. I was able to take my time getting out of bed instead of rushing and stumbling to the bathroom. It was the extra time I needed to truly wake up. 2. Prepare a podcast or audiobook for your commute. Tony Robbins calls it your NET time - No Extra Time time. These are the moments spent commuting, running errands, or cooking dinner where you can ingest new and important information. It's the time you could normally zone out but instead, you're replacing it with riveting ideas that could lead you to more ideas. 3. Find movement every 60 minutes. Some studies recommend every 30 minutes, but if you are deep in your work, getting up for a walk when you're in peak creativity is just as counterproductive. I opt for a five-minute walk or stretch every 60 minutes in addition to using a standing desk. The quick break allows your brain to pause and rejuvenate. If you're in a slump and finding yourself checking your phone or hopping on social media too much, it's also a good indicator that you should take a movement break. 4. Don't check your email until it's actually time to work. Repeat after me: stop checking your email right when you wake up. Just stop. Don't do it. The first thing you do, see, or hear when you wake up sets the tone for the rest of your day. Let your mornings be all you. You'll have time to email all you want later. 5. Create accountability. Have a colleague or manager checking in on your project or status can help you focus and stay on task. When you know that someone else is involved with your work, you are less likely to fall behind. 6. Pick three major things that need to get done today and assign a time/deadline to them. I love to-do lists. They are so much fun and sometimes I retroactively put things I've done on a new to-do list just so I can check things off. But, alas, I had to stop doing that. These days, I create that list but I rank the top three things that must be done ASAP, and they also have to be big projects. I can't list small and easy errands as my big three. From there, I assign a time when they need to be done. Deadlines are the biggest motivators. 7. Block off time where you are completely unavailable. This is a perfect follow up to above. When you create deadlines, write them into a calendar. If you're in a work environment where people love to talk to you, block it off as a meeting. If you work remotely, hide your phone and ban your email and social media for that amount of time. Commit yourself to completely this task. 8. Stop multi-tasking. I'll admit it, I'm still guilty of this one. But, studies (and prior experience) have proved that you become extremely less productive when you do multiple things at once. It's just the fact of the matter. When your brain can stop jumping from idea to idea, you become more focused, clear, and determined. Updated July 27,2021  You worked hard at setting your goals. Yes, you developed both Aspirational and SMART goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. You were suppose put them into ACTION. Something happened. You got too busy! Days went by, then months and here you are - your goals are not fulfilled. In fact, you have forgotten about them. “Maybe next year,” you say. Sound familiar. Keeping on track with your goals is easier said than done. You need to do the work to follow through on them. However, when it comes to not doing the work toward your goals, falling back on the expression “easier said then done” can have some severe consequences for you such as you:
1: Write your goals down. When it comes to keeping appointments and meeting deadlines, most people write them down—or else they somehow disappear until after they’ve passed. The same is true with goals. Without visually concretizing your aim in writing, your goal is likely to dissipate into thin air. Once you have them written down post them so that you can see them. Put them on your computer desktop, print them out and post them on your wall, link them to your task manager so that they routinely come up. 2. Set a schedule. Maybe your goals are more aspirational than SMART. If so, your goal won’t have a due date and you will keep putting them off if things get in the way, or perhaps when you just feel lazy. Put the goal on your calendar. If it’s something big, don’t try to cram too many other things into the days before your deadline. 3. Break them down. Your goal will be easier to accomplish if you break it down into digestible steps. When architects plan a building, they don’t just put it up in one day: it’s built in parts, from the foundation up. The same is true with your goal. Break it down into weekly, monthly, or even yearly chunks, depending on how far out the deadline is. This is all about developing an ACTION PLAN. If you don’t have one or don’t know how to create an ACTION PLAN let me know in the comments below and I will send one to you. 4. Become Accountable. Studies have shown that when you have to report to someone else, you are more likely to stay on track. Pick an accountability buddy—it could be someone working towards the same goal, like a gym partner, or perhaps just a friend or family member. Set up times when you will check in and notify them of your progress. This is extremely important when it comes to your business or work goals. Solopreneurs, Internet Marketers, and the like usually work alone. If you find yourself in this position then search for someone who is interested in what you do like a coach, a mentor, a friend on Facebook, or someone in a Facebook group. The important factor here is that you want someone who is committed to your success, will treat you with dignity but who will be brutally honest with you. You don’t want someone who will just let you off the hook so to speak. 5. Be Positive. Remember the story of The Little Engine That Could—he was able to climb the hill because he kept on saying “I think I can, I think I can.” You should have the same reaction towards your goals: verbal and mental positivity. Use affirmations, positive thinking, and support from those around you to help you reach for them. 6. Treat Yourself. When you hit a milestone, do something nice for yourself, whether it’s going out to lunch or buying a new article of clothing. Plan a special event or prepare to claim a prize when you reach your goal. Teachers are great at leveraging this tactic: when their class hits a behavioral or educational goal, they throw a pizza party. Why not use the same strategy and celebrate with a nice treat when you accomplish your goal? If your goal has a product associated with it and you have a return on your investment of time and money, then take a percentage of the income and reinvest it into your business and into your own growth and development. Why? Because your personal growth and development matter for your continued success. As always take care, stay safe and become the person you were meant to be. Thanks for reading, Richard Fontanie When someone is referred to as self-disciplined, it means that they are intrinsically motivated enough to avoid short-term temptations to achieve long-term goals. They tend to be the person everyone else can count on to get things done. They are exceptionally reliable people who are often remarkably successful. They are people with integrity.
If you are self-disciplined, you: 1. Take Personal Responsibility for Your Actions – If you want to demonstrate self-discipline you need to realize that it is all about taking responsibility for your own actions and no one else’s. When things go right or wrong, you look at how your own behavior affected the situation and then note what you will do again or how you can do better next time. 2. Believe You Are Responsible for Yourself – A person with strong self-discipline doesn’t usually need outside influence to do the right thing. They are very sure of their core values and will put them ahead of what they "want" and do what is right. 3. Understand Your Own Potential – People who have strong self-discipline tend to realize that they have a lot more power than the average person thinks they have. In essence they set up their lives in a way that will lead them to succeed because they know they can do it. 4. Know How to Set Goals Properly – When you know that your actions make a great deal of difference to your success, you will place a high level of importance on learning how to set goals properly. Learn about SMART goals so that you can set yourself up for success. 5. Set Schedules and Routines for Daily Life – Everyone is handed the same 24 hours in a day. The way successful people use that time is the only difference. They tend to schedule everything and do things at certain times ritualistically, because it helps them do more in their lives and experience more balance. 6. Feel Grateful Every Day – Looking on the bright side is a trait that people who have self-confidence. They are thankful for the gifts they receive every day and tend to believe their life has purpose and appreciate the world around them. Keeping a gratitude journal can help anyone learn to feel more grateful. 7. Are a Lifelong Learner – Sadly, most of the world does not read after they’re finished with school. But a person who has self-discipline is usually a lifetime learner. They like reading and learning and always make time for it. Their personal growth and development is important to them. 8. Take Care of Your Self – The reason self-discipline helps you take care of yourself is that you are able to see how some hard decisions made today will pay off tomorrow. And, taking care of yourself strengthens you to take care of others. 9. Are Confident, Patient and Calm – Because you do not feel powerless, and because you know how to make goals and plans to reach those goals, you can feel a lot more confident, patient, and calm. There is no reason to get into anyone’s drama and even when things are tough, you know you will make it through if you follow the steps and your schedule. 10. Forgive Yourself and Others for Their Imperfections – Since you constantly work on yourself, you realize that no one is perfect and that it’s okay. Human imperfections are what makes everyone interesting. The most important thing to realize about self-discipline is that you don’t have to be perfect from day one. If you want to improve your chances of experiencing success, working on your self-discipline is the key to that success. Thank you for Reading, Richard Fontanie PS. This article is from the e-book “A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Discipline” included in the FORTIS MEMBERSHIP site. You can also purchase it at the Storefront. |
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