Listen to Understand

Listening is so fundamental to our communication process that we can easily take it for granted. Unless one has extremely limited interaction with people the opportunities for listening abound in the workplace. We need to listen up when a customer is front of us or on the telephone, or when someone comes to us with a problem or a solution, or when we are coaching an employee, or when ______ (you fill in the blank). Every time we encounter an individual our listening antenna needs to go up.

There are five levels of listening behaviors with level one being the most comprehensive.

Level One: These are the people who listen to understand all the communication signals of the speaker - the tone, emotions, body language and technical elements and even what is being said behind the words. They are the ones who send off the signal: "I am listening intently so that I can walk a mile in your shoes." They are the "empathetic listeners." They are the ones who hold eye contact and listen deeply.

Level Two: This listening behavior tends to be more "factual and technical".  These people have an ear for factual information, sometimes at the expense of "feelings" or "emotions". They are often called the "objective listeners."

Level Three: At level three we have the "selective listeners" or those who listen to confirm their point of view or pick out only what they want to hear. They listen only for the elements of the discussion that they are in agreement with and often miss the whole point of the conversation.

Level Four: Here we have the "pretenders." They give the impression they are listening but are often doing something else. For example we can "hear' these people when we are speaking with them over the telephone and they are busy working away on something else; or when we are making a presentation and they are gazing at us like deer caught in the headlights, or texting, or reading their e-mail - all the while nodding their heads to give the impression that they are listening.

Level Five: You guessed it - they are the "ignorers." They are not listening at all, which when we really think about it may be an "oxymoron." 

To listen well we need to develop strong listening habits. Here are the four basic rules for strengthening a good listening habit:

1. Hear what is being said - this means giving undivided attention to the person who is speaking.
2. Understand what we have heard - this means clarifying what is said by asking questions, 
3. Interpret our understanding of what was said. -this means the rationalization process of quickly putting into context our understanding of what was said.
4. Recap or paraphrase our understanding of what was said - this means repeating in your own words our understanding of what is said.

Remember all communications are perceived but 70% to 90% are screened out or changed by the person who perceives them. If you want to improve your listening habits consider this learning opportunity "Priority Influencing" at http://www.prioritymanagement.com/ and check out an office near you.

Author: Richard P. Fontanie MSW. FCMC         Updated from the archives of Fontanie Learning Solutions.

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