5 Symptoms Bordering on Self-Neglect

Is it time to take care of yourself? What a question? Of course you do, or at least you think you do. What you may not realize, however, is that the level of care you give yourself is below par and may even be bordering on neglect. Certainly there are circumstances that may pressure you to spend less time on yourself than you would prefer but there are usually several reasons for this. They could include telling yourself:

• I have to do this, or the job will not get done.
• I’ve got no time for myself. I’m up to my neck with my work and my family.
• I’m the only son or daughter and I’m the care giver for my father, mother…
• I’m a single parent. I’ve got to suck it up and care for my child or children and put food on the table. Those are my priorities. No time for me.
• I’m driven. I just got to do more. I want it all and if I have to work long hours and sacrifice me-time, so be it.
• I’m like a sponge wherever and whenever there is a need, I feel obliged to lend a hand. If I don’t do it, who will?

Any of these comments sound like you? Before you answer that question consider the following:
 
You Are Selfless
When we always put the needs of everyone else before our own, we are demonstrating a classic example of self-neglect. This is a prescription for disaster, possible burn out or resenting doing things for others altogether.

An over extension of selflessness often shows up in the workplace, for example you feel compelled to go to work even when you are feeling ill, have a cold or the flue, or worse you have the symptoms of COVID 19. 

I’m not talking about a slight headache or feeling a bit under the weather. But lets face it some people go to work when they have a fever, their eyes are running, they’re coughing and sneezing and their throat is sore. Hey, you are not indispensable and if you are feeling this way, you have a legitimate reason to avoid the workplace, after all you are not indispensable. Others will fill in for you. When you attend work in this condition there is no doubt you will spread those horrible little germs to your colleagues, who will not appreciate your free offer.

When I refer to selflessness I’m not referring to selfishness. Let’s be realistic- you have to put yourself first sometimes. Compassion includes self-compassion. In fact that may be the reasoning behind the saying “love your neighbor as yourself.” Just consider would you like to be put in this position? Do you want your colleague to spread their germs to you.

If you continually put others first to the neglect of your own health and wellbeing you may end up unable to do anything for anyone not to mention resenting the very people you care for.  And that isn’t a healthy situation to be in. So,

• take a break, find time during the day or week to spend me-time.
• if you have to be at work when you are suffering from a cold or flu, find other ways to do so. You can, for instance use technology as an option such as Skype, Zoom, Google Meet, or FaceTime to attend that important meeting.
• take advantage of your vacation time. It’s important for your health to break from the daily grind to rejuvenate and relax.

 
Tend To Your Appearance
If you feel guilty or just plain lazy about tending to your appearance, your may be avoiding your own self-care. You can spend some time on yourself such as spending an extra twenty minutes in a hot shower, taking time for pedicures, enjoying a massage, keeping fit, or whatever special bodily treatment makes you feel better.

These are not self-indulgent acts when done in moderation. They are  ingredients for your overall selfcare and ways to boost your self-esteem.  

Another typical symptom of self-neglect could be consistently dressing down in a way that is not appropriate for the occasion.

Keep your clothes pressed and neat and dress in a way that gives the impression that you care about yourself. Take some time on your weekends to arrange your outfits for the coming week. If you like wearing the same thing make sure it fits comfortably and is presentable, as an example Steve Jobs wore the same black turtleneck sweater and jeans to the office and promotions but they suited him and looked neat on him.

Remember when it comes to your appearance you are special so dress for the part. Often your outside represents what you feel on the inside.
 
You Lack Friends
Lacking a small circle of tightly-knit friends could be another obvious symptom of poor self-care. Our close friends are available to us in good times and in turbulent times so they can be invaluable to our well-being.

We are social beings so developing positive relationships are healthy for us and for our overall wellness.  Close friends, even one close friend, will:

• encourage you when you feel vulnerable.
• be honest with you and support you when they see you burning out.
• push you to get out of your comfort zone so that you can try something different.
• build your self-esteem when they see you shutting down due to stressful overload.

 
You Lack Purpose
There are people who seem to have everything, but they still have a deep void within them. For instance someone you know may be outgoing, have a home, a family around them, and money in the bank, but still feel an emptiness inside. This could mean they are feeling unfulfilled because they never had the chance to complete their education, or to pursue a passion they had wanted, or maybe their career doesn’t give them the same satisfaction that it once did.

Are you in this same predicament?

Consider what is happening to you and determine if now is the time for you to make a significant change in your life. Don’t wait for a better time because there is never a better time. People wait and wait and then look back and discover that time has passed them by.

If you feel listless because you lack a sense of purpose search within yourself to discover something meaningful that represents who you are and what you want to become and go after it. The reality is no one can do this for you. Only you. Here are a few hints that may help you:  

• visualize yourself in a new career, running a business, contributing to your community through volunteering or actively participating in politics.
• talk to a coach or an honest friend about where you would like to be, rather than what you want to do.
• set goals to achieving your desired end.
• identify action steps towards achievement.
• reward yourself each step of the way.
• always remember, you can do whatever you set your mind to do.

 
You Don’t Exercise
This is one of the more serious symptoms of poor self-care, as it directly affects your physical, mental, emotional and even your spiritual well-being.  Lack of exercise negatively impacts your overall health, reduces quality of life, and harms your appearance.

Exercise performed just 3 times weekly can help you maintain a healthy bodyweight and body composition and is one of the best things you can give yourself. You really don’t have to become a fitness expert, just do something to move your body. Take in some of the benefits of physical exercise and determine what you will do to improve your exercise routine. For instance some of the benefits of exercise include:

• mood improvement while at the same time decreasing depression, anxiety and stress.
• an increased production of endorphins which in turn produces positive feelings.
• potential reduction in weight gain and obesity.
• strengthened muscles and bones giving you more stamina to go the extra mile.
• enhanced energy levels to uplift feelings of being overburdened and fatigued.

 
You Feel Life Is A Chore
Some people have lost their zest for life, they no longer feel a sense of joy within themselves.  If you feel this way it may be one more symptom of your disregard for yourself. Rather than experiencing the pleasures of life you go through the motions of living without finding that spark of joy in your everyday moments.

A few signs that you consider your life a chore could be the simple things like you don’t stop to take in the scenery on your way to work, you don’t experience joy from little things your kids or grandkids may do, and you only look forward to going to bed.
Feeling as if life has no real purpose for you can be not only sad, but kick starts a cycle of negativity and can spiral into depression. This is when you may want to consider:

• discussing your situation with a close friend.
• visiting a therapist to explore your feelings.
• talking to a priest, rabi or someone in your faith community.
• exploring your feelings with an understanding partner.

 
In Conclusion
It would seem logical that self-care should be second nature to us yet people can replace them with habits that don’t fulfill them and they go through life like a robot. If you find yourself in such a situation it may be time to wake up and do something about it.
You need to be selfish sometimes about your own needs and desires so that you can be unselfish towards others.
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If you find you are not finding a sense of purpose or need to revitalize your purpose let me know by clicking on the button below.

Thank you for reading and always take care and continue on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself.
 
Richard Fontanie

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